Will Furious 7 Win an Oscar?

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

So Vin Diesel made a wild claim that Furious 7, the upcoming addition to Universal's most profitable franchise in history, told Variety: 

"Universal is going to have the biggest movie in history. It will probably win Best Picture at the Oscars — unless the Oscars don't want to be relevant."

This led to a bunch of angry film snobs getting pissed off with one Facebook user comparing him to Kanye while many more said the series is ass and so is Vin.

So my first article established I hate social justice retards who have no factual information to back up their claims. This time I want to call out film snobs who can't have fun at the movies and shit all over a franchise that makes money just because it does just that. Fuck you guys.

What the obvious message of Diesel's quote comes down to? The Oscar's aren't relevant anymore because they hand out awards to movies nobody has heard of. The Fast films make so much money yet don't win any awards. It's basically saying that the Oscar's aren't meant for typical movie-goers, rather the snobby dipshits who watch a fucking abstract French film and write hundred page thesis papers about it and can't read into a single quote by one of Hollywood's most well-respected and well-liked actors.

The guy's proud of his film. Why complain about that? Especially when you haven't seen it yet. Oh God, he makes over-the-top escapism films for people who would rather walk out of a movie entertained than broodingly thinking over what they watched.

"Harry Potter had more realism", states one Facebook commenter on Vulture's post.

I'm sorry that unrealistic movies don't appeal to you. Because, you know, movies aren't a form of media. Like television, novels, video games...you know...things we use to GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR BORING LIVES.

Another user pondered "The only series with seven films is Star Wars". To which I wonder how crappy his movie taste is when he skips over Godzilla, Zatoichi, James Bond, and Harry Potter (though you can neglect this last one if you want).

I'm not defending the Fast and Furious movies because it's a pretty mediocre franchise overall. The fifth one had an entertaining ending and the sixth one was pure escapist fun (the rest are garbage). What I'm defending is Vin Diesel being able to say what he wants without being attacked by snobby assholes who think he only says that because Paul Walker died. Yeah...okay. How about instead you contain your autism?

Go back to watching Eyes Without a Face or whatever bullshit Criterion Collection's recently released Mr. Man Who is a Film Snob Yet Has a Pulp Fiction Cover Photo. Because when I think of film critics worth listening to, it's a guy who thinks Pulp Fiction is the best Tarantino movie (we all know his two best movies were From Dusk Till Dawn and True Romance--BUT HE DIDN'T DIRECT THOSE! I KNOW! ).

Miss Universe Japan isn't Japanese Enough!

Today in idiots who don't understand a thing about the world and want to use situations they don't understand to push a racial agenda:

Miss Universe Japan, a lovely woman named Ariana Miyamoto, has been criticized in Japan for not being Japanese enough. Her father is an African-American while her mother is Japanese, leading every militant "everything's racist" American to call bullshit for the way the Japanese are treating her. Once again, let's allow the misinformed to get on their soapbox and spout racism without knowing anything about Japanese culture.

First off, I'd like misinformed people not to pin the blame for the racism against Ariana on white people in America because as a white American, I could have given a shit less about Japan's Miss Universe winner. In fact, I could give a shit less about America's Miss Universe winner. Fox News didn't run this story so white racists are definitely not the cause of the trouble here.

What is the cause is the most homogeneous culture in the world. 98.5 percent of people living in Japan are Japanese citizens. It's a culture that doesn't exactly shun outsiders, but it doesn't accept them. Foreigners who live and work in Japan can't get citizenship no matter the circumstance. And we as Americans think "Wow, that's pretty backwards for such a progressive nation". But considering the hundreds of years of being cut off from the west, also known as isolationism, and the fact that after less than fifty years of developing into a modern nation they had two fucking A-bombs dropped on them, they're less than receptive to the idea of foreigners (and yes, there were a myriad of circumstances and it was most likely the only solution but some of the older generation don't feel that way). They welcome the help, sure, and they will be friends with us and definitely treat us well if we're on vacation, but they won't treat us as one of them. And truthfully, we're not.

Japanese people have a major problem with westerners who try to act Japanese by obsessing over the very basic things about Japan. These are known as weeaboos and boil down to kids who try to speak Japanese and watch a ton of anime, thinking that's what Japanese culture boils down to. Japan hates people like this because it doesn't represent their culture at all. In a thesis paper I wrote about Japanese birth rates, I found an article blaming the declining birth rates on anime, only to find that one percent of the population of Japan identifies as an anime nerd. That doesn't mean anime isn't big, but it's not an obsessive hobby like westerners think.

What does this have to do with a mixed-race model? It's the idea that people who are not Japanese or only part Japanese can't understand the thinking of these homogeneous people. There's a deep-rooted fear of losing that train of thought, one that I've studied a bit into and still don't fully comprehend. We're looking at a culture running on Buddhist, Shinto, and Bushido principles; and that's only a modicum of the philosophy.

I've read tales of Japanese women marrying white men and being disowned from the family. It's scary to older Japanese people to see women marrying men of other races because the pure-blooded Japanese are dying out. Birth rates are declining, the population is declining, there are more older people than young. I hate to make this analogy, but I feel it works. Think about an endangered animal and how zoos go out of the way to protect them, nurture them, and breed them so that the species can proliferate and continue for many more generations. That's what Japanese people want. They want to be able to survive for many more generations as themselves, not as anyone else. They're proud people, and how can we knock them for that?

So back to the issue of a mixed-race winner of the Miss Universe pageant. Some Japanese people don't like it, fine. But one of their main arguments is that she doesn't represent Japan. She represents 1.5 percent of the country. Which is true, she doesn't represent the entire population. But this is progressive of the people in charge of the pageant and getting pissed at all the bad when we should be celebrating the good is ridiculous. It's a step forward, and every step forward, no matter the cause, always comes with loads of criticism.

Most of all, I want you social justice retards to shut up about it if you have no idea what you're talking about. Do some research, learn more about the country. Quit spouting uninformed opinions for the sake of feeling like your thoughts mean something. Instead, spout informed opinions like mine in the sake of feeling like your thoughts mean something.

I could go on and on about Japanese culture (and I may in future articles). Is this racist? Yes. Is it wrong? Yes. But is it right to label these people so poorly when they have a history of racism? I don't think so. Especially when this train of thought is as ingrained in the Japanese psyche as American Idol is in ours.